If you’ve filed for divorce, make sure you avoid the common mistake of moving out right away. It may seem logical that you or your spouse should move out, but it turns out leaving the marital home could be your biggest mistake. Granted, it’s a common one, since few people want to live with their former spouse. But leaving the home gives your ex an advantage regarding certain aspects of divorce, including child custody. Plus, moving out is expensive. If you’re willing to try living with your spouse for now, you may be able to improve your situation with these tips.
You’re probably tired of feeling like you’re always arguing with your spouse. It’s likely a major reason you decided to end the marriage. So it’s no surprise that resisting the urge to argue is going to be hard while you live together. But you have to do your best, especially when there are children involved.
This means you should find a way to avoid arguing. If this means simply staying out of your spouse’s way as much as possible, do it. And when you have to communicate, do so respectfully. Avoid laying blame, being accusatory or making snarky remarks every chance you get. Remember that the relationship is already over and you’re on your way to not having to see this person regularly anymore, so this situation won’t last forever. If you ever have trouble holding back from starting an argument, take a deep breath, count to three and remind yourself that you’ll be out of this situation before the year is over.
Just because you’re in the same house doesn’t mean you have to occupy the same space all the time. You’re no longer a couple, so you’re not expected to share a room, cuddle on the couch or watch the same TV shows at the same time. Instead, you can divide up the house if it helps you avoid each other as needed.
Figure out who gets to keep sleeping in the master bedroom and who gets the guest room. If you really can’t stand to be around your former spouse, you can even determine who gets use of the family room, kitchen and other common areas at certain times so you can avoid contact.
Your duties as a parent will change once you’re divorced and no longer living together, so you might as well get used to them now. After all, you’ll need to create a parenting plan for the future, and practicing it now will ensure it really works.
Maybe you used to read the bedtime story to the children and your spouse would help them brush their teeth before bed. Instead of splitting up the duties this way, practice splitting them up depending on the day, since this is how it will work when you’re not living with your ex. So if you plan to have the kids Wednesday through Friday every week, make sure you do all the parenting duties those days, such as school pickup and drop-off, homework help and bedtime.
Money is a major part of the divorce process. Whether it led to the divorce or you’re just struggling with it now, you should start by setting a budget with your ex. Write down all the expenses in your household, and decide which of you will pay for each expense.
Make sure you allocate some spending money for each of you, and make the amount equal so there’s no resentment. Then keep track of the budget and adjust it as needed.
And of course, don’t forget to hire a divorce lawyer if you haven’t gotten legal advice yet. You can start by coming to the Law Offices of H. William Edgar today for a free consultation.
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